this is my prayer

i need to get this all out... oh my gosh. these words have been rolling around in my head for the past two weeks, but i could never get them to sound right. and then i realized something. they don’t have to sound right.

this is my prayer.
my heart burns for you, lord. my heart burns for you, lord. my heart burns for you, lord. i am broken and desperate, jesus. i need you to swoop in and rescue me from my loneliness, my hopelessness, and my despair. you said you would never leave me - well, where have you gone? you are my passion... you are all that i want. you are all that i long for in this life, because if i go a second without you i will wither away into... nothing... the person i was before i knew what your touch felt like. i want you closer to my skin, jesus. closer than my next breath. i want you to burn me with your kisses. what does the fullness of your spirit look like, lord? i need to know. i need to know. and touch. and feel. and hear. and see. long for. breathe in. taste. smell. and cherish. GOD, I WANT YOU MORE THAN MY LIFE! you are my life, god. you are my life because you give me life.

you are my best friend, jesus. you’re all a girl could ever ask for - the perfect daddy, the perfect lover, the perfect friend, the perfect counselor, the perfect healer, and so much more. you are so much more. but you are my best friend.

jesus, you are my best friend. and today is the best day of my life because you are here with me. it’s the best day of my life because it’s a NEW day and i’m choosing not to live in the past. it’s the best day of my life because you created this day for me to enter into your kingdom, into your loving arms. it’s the best day of my life because you’re calling me to climb into your lap, so you can wipe my tears and all my pain away. to be forever gone and never remembered. forgotten. always.

i just want to be with you. i want to be able to promise you a life of undivided attention, but how can i when i am so fixated on myself? god, it makes me sick. and i continue to ask why i feel so dry...

i’m sorry. i’m sorry for being so blind. i don’t mean to be. i don’t want to be. i long for you to open my eyes, but i just don’t know how to ask. maybe it’s uncomfortable? maybe i don’t know what to say because i don’t know how you will respond. maybe i’m just scared.

maybe i’m scared of everything. maybe i can’t forget all the lies i’ve been told. maybe i can’t let go of all the things that i hold. maybe i can’t hide my scars. maybe i can’t take back my mistakes. maybe i can’t do anything on my own.