your little runaway

jesus, it's what i am.
it's what we all are.
your little runaways.

so. there is this song. it moved me this morning in a way i cannot describe with words. there has been a lot of that today... moving. searching. growing. begging. crying. failing. letting jesus pick me up off of my floor... out of the pit that i chose to fall into.

anyway, lately i have had this desire... and "desire" is the right word, because it's all i can think about, really. ok, that's a lie... but i think about it often. too often.

you get the point.

i need to leave athens. i don't know if that means for good, like moving... or if that means just some space or a break. i don't know. i don't know what anything means anymore. but last night katherine and i were talking and she was upset about going to belmont today for orientation, because of how permanent it made it. i said something i didn't even really believe, but i desperately have to cling to.

the only permanent thing is God's love for us.

wow.
the ONLY permanent thing is God's love for us.
think about it.
it's so true.
wow.

does that solidify my desire to break my lease and move to california? kind of. but what about the relationships i have here? what about being on leadership at wesley next year? what about living with joanna and kendall? what about my family? what about going to school? do all of these things really matter? do they? or is what really matters, my desire to get away?

i don't know.

thank you, jesus for the people in my life. because without them... what a wreck i would be.

here are those lyrics:

living in the same town
for all these years
doing the same old things
hanging with the same crowd
and it’s starting to get crippling
you’ve never felt in place
and you tell yourself it’s all okay
but something’s different today
you want to run the opposite way

and it seems like you’re locked in a cage
and you need to find a way of escape
when everyone is setting the pace
it’s okay to run the opposite way

the father sent his son down
the light of men
the cross He bore was crippling
rejected in His own town
they couldn’t see the sun shining
he knelt in the garden and prayed
father, let this cup pass from me
it’s not Your will for me to stay
your will for me is the opposite way

and it seemed like He was locked in a cage
and He couldn’t find away of escape
but through the cross He conquered the grave
my Jesus ran the opposite way

oh, and through the cross He conquered the grave
oh, He ran the opposite way
yeah, through the cross He conquered the grave
so you could run the opposite way