stop talking.

a rollercoaster back and forth. re-reading some semi-recent posts and realizing some pretty difficult things about myself. things i don't want to admit to, but in order to face the reality of my situation, i am forced.

i'm not as passionate as i once was. mother was right. in all of my struggles i was still passionate. for the lord. and for people. and for the world. in my own brokenness i had a heart for brokenness. and here i am. biggest transition of my life. and quite possibly the most broken i have ever been. but my heart is different. it has changed. this is a brokenness i've not experienced before. this is a brokenness that has hardened my heart rather than softened it. and oh, how it pains me. i want my passion back. where has my love gone?

[you were talking today and as your lips were moving i was writing the words "stop talking" over and over in my notebook. even your words are too much for me. and they are empty. empty salesman talk. and they hurt.]

i don't know what's left. of me. what is left to give? you? You? you are all that's left, because i am nothing. just glass under the world's foot.