coffee. rain. guitar.

on christmas day. a day to be celebrated. not because everyone sits around and acts like they are appreciative of the money spent on them, but because of a gift that should be remembered every day - and not just on december 25th. anyway, last night i spent the night at my parent's... slept on the couch [not comfortable, by the way]. and then my little brother woke up at 7:30 am. this year is different. this year everyone is a little more detached. everyone knows i'm leaving. everyone is letting go. it's a strange feeling. grandpa and i sitting on the couch playing the guitar together - what an incredible feeling. something is right. the first year i've had coffee with my mom on christmas morning. not a kid anymore. the kind of gifts that you get when you get older - jackets and scarves and underwear. pens and an outlet converter for england. all things i need. not want. wow. it's so close. closer than i can really accept, i think. anyway. it's raining here. been raining since last night. not cold. today feels like just another day - not a day of celebration. you know, when you are young and christmas day arrives, everything else seems to melt away. i think that starts to fade each year, and then you finally reach a point where you realize that people come together on christmas day out of obligation. how sad. this year we skipped out on obligation. the only people here are the ones that want to be here. so, you find out who really cares.